Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I told her to never touch Evil (or is it evil?) in the microwave.

Okay, probably, I should not call sweet innocent Lillian a baby killer. In their science class, the sixth graders have to carry chicken eggs with them. Lillian and Sooham have both already broke their eggs. Sumran tells me that they have to put them under pillows under their shirts during PE class. Every time I call Lillian a baby killer, Sumran laughs. Lillian asks me a question. I respond with “What did you say, Baby Killer?”

Sumran has now gotten on to the subject of biting monkeys. Sooham was bitten by a monkey when they lived in India. This happened in 2002. The story sounds uncannily like the beginning of An American Werewolf in London, suspiciously close. Whether I should believe them or not, I do not know. I am fairly certain, however, that they have not seen An American Werewolf in London.

The tale Sumran weaves goes something like this. The two of them were wandering on an unlit dark road at night wearing white school uniforms. The white of the uniform attracted the monkey. The monkey started chasing them. They ran to get away from the monkey. Sooham fell. The monkey bit him. He has a small unnoticeable scar on his cheek that looks like it could possibly be an acne scar. Oscar says Sooham is now half monkey.

The seventh graders got no treats today. Although, part of the way into the class period, everyone was quiet and watched the movie. Kim (the Korean who I love and hate) smacked me on the head with the eraser from the chalkboard. I turned around and took it and beat her about the head with it which left chalk dust all over the top of her head. She looked like she was about to cry but then Alice and Laura (aka Laura the Nightmare) started laughing. Once they started laughing, she laughed too.

Vincent is bending over to get a pencil off of the floor. I smack him on the backside with the Time Bandits DVD case. This is because I can and because he has adopted the horse bite as his own. Now, out of nowhere, he runs up and gives me a horse bite.

We finished watching Time Bandits today. Oscar wants to know why the parents blow up in the end. He is concerned about this. Sometimes, I think he may have some sort of humanity about him after all. Yes, he does love it when Evil blew up things but he did not understand why the parents exploded in the end. I tell him they touched Evil - or maybe they touched evil. He was transfixed by the movie. Sumran was baffled by the exploding parents as well. This did not exactly give the movie a happy ending. I told her to never touch Evil in the microwave. This should be a lesson to us all.

The end of the day, I am leaving school and I hear someone calling my name. I look up at the fourth floor windows first and then the third and second floor. Finally, I look up at the windows in the stairwell. Kim (the Korean who, again, I love and hate) yells “I love you Tyson.” I yell back “I love you too.” They do think that I am a crazy old man. Constantly I threaten to give all of them the smack down. Now I am beginning to think that they may actually like getting the smack down. Those little retarded dwarf masochists make me nuts.

Walking back to my apartment, on the sidewalk along the school, the sixth grade girls are walking. I ask them if they are getting candy, drinks, dumplings? They tell me no they are getting food. I ask Vicky who may actually be Mika – I tend to get forget their names – if she liked the movie. She tells me she liked the last one. I do not know if she means the last of the movie or the last and only movie we have seen in the class. I do not know.

As she is talking, out of nowhere, Vincent and Sean run by us. As they run by, Vincent yells horse bite and pinches my calf as he runs off. The street is alive with after-school, late afternoon activity. This I am sure is not the proper behavior for a student toward a teacher. I quickly turn into my apartment complex acting as if I do not know them.


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