Thursday, November 23, 2006

In a 1000 words or less...

Class starts at 7:55 am. My meltdown comes at 8:05 am. The assignment, I tell the students, is to write the meaning of the descriptive words. Oscar tells me he knows all of the descriptive words. I ask him the meaning of the first word ‘lanky.’ He does not know. I ask him the meaning of the second word ‘stout.’ Again, he does not know. At this point, I tell him to grab a dictionary and look them up. Sooham is doodling on his paper. I smack him and ask him if he would like to go talk to Athena. He tells me no.

I then give the definition for ‘stout.’ I ask Oscar the definition. He was not listening. He does not know. Sooham says he’s stupid. I agree which I know is wrong.
“I am not,” Oscar counters. For the first time today, he is listening.
Am I slowly becoming Darth Vader, the personification of evil?
When I look over a few minutes later, Oscar –the little fatty – is looking at pictures of food in the dictionary. Rather soundly, I smack him in the back of the head with the text book.
“What are you doing?” I scold as I scowl.

Thirty minutes into class, the students have settled into working. Oscar asks me if ‘listless’ is not listening or listening closely. I tell him neither.

Okay, I cannot even believe I will soon be teaching the students mime. Saying the word ‘mime’ makes me want to hit someone. With that said, I now must decide what exercise to do, something fun which does not involve being trapped in a box or being carried away by a balloon or some other sort of show choir for the singing impaired. . The old standard, bacon frying, is a good one. However, most of the students do not know what bacon is. Oh, yes, and popcorn popping, again, these students are not familiar with popcorn.

Okay, so now, as I am trying to prepare this fucking lesson plan in drama class, my link teacher suddenly wants to know – two weeks or more after the fact – why Eric made a 26% on his midterm in the English Language A class. Well, he did not do his book report. We talked about this. And now it has been brought up again. While this is happening, I am supposed to pull some drama idea out of my ass. Maybe something will come to me. It does not. I am truly stuck.

My boss comes in to discuss the Language A midterm on which Eric made a 26%. I tell her that he was the only student who scored badly. He just did not study. He did not do his book report. Michelle asks me if he can take it over. I tell her sure. I did not know taking midterms over was an option.

My boss tells me maybe my class is too difficult for Eric. I tell her he is just lazy. He does not put any time into the class. She seems to think it is too difficult. Perhaps I should give him different assignments than I give Neisha who is truly Language A and makes 100% on everything. This would be great I tell her if there were five of me but at the moment I have no time to prepare separate lessons.

Now, I have to think about drama. Now, I am not in the mood to think about drama. Now, I wanna run away from home. Now I wanna be on my own.
I have some games planned for the drama class. When I go into the class to plan the games, the students who volunteer chicken out, others do not listen to me. I ask them if they know what bacon is. No one seems to know. But then some of them know but are not sure. Sooham draws a ham steak on the board. That is not bacon I tell him. Of course, Oscar, the little fatty knows. He draws bacon on the board. I tell him that is correct. I get down on the floor and tell everyone to act like bacon. No one does anything. Most of the students are just talking to each other. Finally, I just sit at the desk and do nothing. Vivienne asks me why I am not doing anything. I tell her they do not deserve a teacher. Thus, I am going to just sit. She tells me this is terrible. I tell her yes but that is what they deserve.

At first everyone runs around and does nothing. Sumran asks me to get up and teach. I tell her this is not worth it. I stay seated. The boys come over and apologize the ways that boys do. This makes me laugh. At this point, I tell everyone they have to apologize in an interesting way. Vincent salutes me to apologize. Sumran turns into a robot to apologize. Sooham stands on his head to apologize. Again, this makes me laugh.

Once again, I start to try to speak but they will not let me. Everyone is out of control. At this point, I feel as if I am in some adventure movie and I have no means of escape. Outside I am looking at myself and I wonder how I am going to pull off any sort of drama class on Friday. This will be interesting.



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