Ding Dong the Dildo is gone!
Of late, there has been cause for celebration, celebration at someone else's expense more or less. Ding Dong Dolly the Dildo is gone. She resigned a few weeks ago now, the week before the mid-term examinations which were last week. Of course, I couldn't be happier because I talked my old friend Markus from XiangMing into taking her place.
And, yes, she left with a fluttery flummox of ding dongery and Dolly dildo kissie kisses. Her last day, her grand finale of dildo excess was no less than a bang. She decided to show the students funny videos on her farewell Dildo Miss Kissie day which is a very fine thing to do. I have no problem with that. However, she decided to borrow my computer without asking me to show these videos. She has her own computer. She decided not to bring it that day.
Now, let me back up. At the beginning of the year, she made the biggest deal over the fact that she would always bring her own computer. The school need not furnish her one. I stated the exact opposite. No way was I lugging my computer from home. I love this school but I am not bringing my computer as the sacrificial Apple to the slaughter. Especially after what happened to my last computer when I left the room for a second and the Shanghai 90210 jacked up the sound jack, broke it basically because they were horsing around and knocked the computer off of the desk. With computers and students, I have learned my lesson never shall the twain meet when my computer is concerned. The school needed to furnish me a computer ASAP. They offered to do the same for Dolly, she declined their offer.
Nevertheless, I digress. I somewhat got on everyone's last nerve at the first of the year because I belly ached and belly ached and moaned and groaned about needing a computer which is something that is to be furnished to me according to my contract anyway. It is not like I am asking for caviar and champagne for my daily lunches. A computer is a basic necessity for a foreign teacher with little in the way of text books and other resources.
Finally, I was given a computer at the end of the first week of classes and I have not had to worry about being able to do my lessons and such because I have a fail-safe system. I keep my work laptop at work and my home laptop at home.
This concept went completely right over Little Miss Dildo's head. On her last day, she decided to just take my laptop from my desk without letting me know. She could have sent me a text to ask. She didn't. She is a complete idiot. La la la! Needless to say, I came to school prepared to print off my lesson which I had prepared at home and emailed to myself. I was not rushed for time but, at the same time, I did not have an entire class period to spare. Always, I take into account that there might be little bumps in the metaphorical school road for which I need to adjust. My computer being swiped from my desk was not one of the bumps for which I had adjusted.
Naturally, when I walked into the teachers' office and saw no computer on my desk, I assumed it had been stolen. Michael, one of the Chinese English teachers, informed me that Dildo Broom Hilda Dolly took my computer. Needless to say, I was stunned. I was completely stunned. I did not mind telling him how much I disliked her because of this sort of thing which when I think about it now should not have surprised me. I was stunned, really stunned, but by no means speechless. This sent me on a rant.
What she was thinking I really don't know. I just have no clue how a mind like hers works. I would never take another's computer or actually anything from someone especially when there is a really good chance that person does not like me very much anyway. I mean I know that people do stupid things and all but this was just ridiculous. Did she not know how low of a tolerance I had for her complete and total dildo-synchrocies already?
At that point, when Michael told me that Dolly had my computer, I stormed down to the classroom and told her in the middle of class that I needed my computer. This I did with a smile. Of course, she told me that she thought that I did not teach until the end of the day which was completely wrong. I had the class right after her last class. My class was the last morning class before lunch. Admittedly, there were a few times when I switched classes with Sharon in the afternoon but this was not often. And, the reason that I switched with Sharon was to avoid Dolly doo dah Dildo. In no uncertain terms, I thought I had made if fairly clear for her to stay out of my way. I always completely ignored her in the teachers' office even when she tried to get my attention I told her I was busy and had no time to talk when I had plenty of time to talk to everyone else. What sort of disconnect did she have going on in her dildo brain?
On this computer swiping day, smiling, I told her that I was glad this was her last day. With that, I yanked the computer off of the podium - as she half-heartedly tried to stop me because she was not finished - in front of the class and took it back to the office so I could carry on with what I had originally planned. I was steaming. I did smile and wave at the class as I left but I gave her one of my patented 'go to hell why aren't you dead?' looks.
After her class, Dolly came in all kisses and smiles and I was not smiling. I really did not say much to her other than she really was not very considerate. I think she even tried to hug me which made me just about puke. I'm serious. Get thoust dildo behind me Satan!
What was beautiful about the whole episode is that Sharon came in a few moments later, after Dolly was apologizing and going on and we started discussing Markus while Dolly listened. Markus can only teach on Wednesday and Thursday mornings which I had told him was okay when I had begged him to come teach when I heard that Dolly was giving notice. Of course, I had forgotten to tell Sharon. I told him I could switch my classes around to accommodate him not realizing a few other teachers would have to switch their classes in accommodation as well.
Dolly, of course, overheard this conversation and butted in that the reason she was giving notice was because she wanted to switch to lessons on Wednesdays and Thursdays as well. Naturally, I had the pleasure to ignore her and tell Sharon how excited I was to have Markus as the new teacher.
Dolly's gone. Bye Bye Dolly!
Of late, there has been cause for celebration, celebration at someone else's expense more or less. Ding Dong Dolly the Dildo is gone. She resigned a few weeks ago now, the week before the mid-term examinations which were last week. Of course, I couldn't be happier because I talked my old friend Markus from XiangMing into taking her place.
And, yes, she left with a fluttery flummox of ding dongery and Dolly dildo kissie kisses. Her last day, her grand finale of dildo excess was no less than a bang. She decided to show the students funny videos on her farewell Dildo Miss Kissie day which is a very fine thing to do. I have no problem with that. However, she decided to borrow my computer without asking me to show these videos. She has her own computer. She decided not to bring it that day.
Now, let me back up. At the beginning of the year, she made the biggest deal over the fact that she would always bring her own computer. The school need not furnish her one. I stated the exact opposite. No way was I lugging my computer from home. I love this school but I am not bringing my computer as the sacrificial Apple to the slaughter. Especially after what happened to my last computer when I left the room for a second and the Shanghai 90210 jacked up the sound jack, broke it basically because they were horsing around and knocked the computer off of the desk. With computers and students, I have learned my lesson never shall the twain meet when my computer is concerned. The school needed to furnish me a computer ASAP. They offered to do the same for Dolly, she declined their offer.
Nevertheless, I digress. I somewhat got on everyone's last nerve at the first of the year because I belly ached and belly ached and moaned and groaned about needing a computer which is something that is to be furnished to me according to my contract anyway. It is not like I am asking for caviar and champagne for my daily lunches. A computer is a basic necessity for a foreign teacher with little in the way of text books and other resources.
Finally, I was given a computer at the end of the first week of classes and I have not had to worry about being able to do my lessons and such because I have a fail-safe system. I keep my work laptop at work and my home laptop at home.
This concept went completely right over Little Miss Dildo's head. On her last day, she decided to just take my laptop from my desk without letting me know. She could have sent me a text to ask. She didn't. She is a complete idiot. La la la! Needless to say, I came to school prepared to print off my lesson which I had prepared at home and emailed to myself. I was not rushed for time but, at the same time, I did not have an entire class period to spare. Always, I take into account that there might be little bumps in the metaphorical school road for which I need to adjust. My computer being swiped from my desk was not one of the bumps for which I had adjusted.
Naturally, when I walked into the teachers' office and saw no computer on my desk, I assumed it had been stolen. Michael, one of the Chinese English teachers, informed me that Dildo Broom Hilda Dolly took my computer. Needless to say, I was stunned. I was completely stunned. I did not mind telling him how much I disliked her because of this sort of thing which when I think about it now should not have surprised me. I was stunned, really stunned, but by no means speechless. This sent me on a rant.
What she was thinking I really don't know. I just have no clue how a mind like hers works. I would never take another's computer or actually anything from someone especially when there is a really good chance that person does not like me very much anyway. I mean I know that people do stupid things and all but this was just ridiculous. Did she not know how low of a tolerance I had for her complete and total dildo-synchrocies already?
At that point, when Michael told me that Dolly had my computer, I stormed down to the classroom and told her in the middle of class that I needed my computer. This I did with a smile. Of course, she told me that she thought that I did not teach until the end of the day which was completely wrong. I had the class right after her last class. My class was the last morning class before lunch. Admittedly, there were a few times when I switched classes with Sharon in the afternoon but this was not often. And, the reason that I switched with Sharon was to avoid Dolly doo dah Dildo. In no uncertain terms, I thought I had made if fairly clear for her to stay out of my way. I always completely ignored her in the teachers' office even when she tried to get my attention I told her I was busy and had no time to talk when I had plenty of time to talk to everyone else. What sort of disconnect did she have going on in her dildo brain?
On this computer swiping day, smiling, I told her that I was glad this was her last day. With that, I yanked the computer off of the podium - as she half-heartedly tried to stop me because she was not finished - in front of the class and took it back to the office so I could carry on with what I had originally planned. I was steaming. I did smile and wave at the class as I left but I gave her one of my patented 'go to hell why aren't you dead?' looks.
After her class, Dolly came in all kisses and smiles and I was not smiling. I really did not say much to her other than she really was not very considerate. I think she even tried to hug me which made me just about puke. I'm serious. Get thoust dildo behind me Satan!
What was beautiful about the whole episode is that Sharon came in a few moments later, after Dolly was apologizing and going on and we started discussing Markus while Dolly listened. Markus can only teach on Wednesday and Thursday mornings which I had told him was okay when I had begged him to come teach when I heard that Dolly was giving notice. Of course, I had forgotten to tell Sharon. I told him I could switch my classes around to accommodate him not realizing a few other teachers would have to switch their classes in accommodation as well.
Dolly, of course, overheard this conversation and butted in that the reason she was giving notice was because she wanted to switch to lessons on Wednesdays and Thursdays as well. Naturally, I had the pleasure to ignore her and tell Sharon how excited I was to have Markus as the new teacher.
Dolly's gone. Bye Bye Dolly!
posted by tyson at 6:18 PM
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